


The Joy of Giving

by abbys_jam_juggler



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Christmas fic, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:13:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbys_jam_juggler/pseuds/abbys_jam_juggler
Summary: Jimmy doesn't have a Christmas present for Thomas ... or does he?





	

"Happy Christmas, Jimmy! Sorry, I just couldn't wait until tomorrow." Thomas fidgeted nervously with the beautiful red and green ribbons on the little box, vaguely aware of the slight trembling of his hands. The gift was wrapped in shiny golden paper. _Golden like his hair._ Thomas mused, a little wistfully, but the smile on his face bright enough to light up the whole room on this dark winter's eve.

Jimmy blinked. "For me?!" he asked wearily as his eyes took in the little gift in Thomas's long slim fingers.  
"No. It's for Molesley!" Thomas answered with a blank expression  
"It's…what?!" Jimmy furrowed his brow in confusion, his gaze flicking between Thomas and the box.  
Barrow rolled his eyes at him and chuckled quietly. "Of course it's for you, you dunce! Happy Christmas!"  
The smile disappeared from Thomas's face the second he looked up to gauge Jimmy's reaction.  
"You didn't have to get me anything, Thomas," he said in a small voice, grimacing like he was in pain. Thomas swallowed.  
"I know I didn't _have_ to, but…"  
"No, I mean it," Jimmy cut him short, a light blush spreading from his neck up to his cheeks as he firmly shook his head. "You _really_ shouldn't have!"

"But I thought we're friends now, Jimmy," Thomas murmured, eyes narrowing to the ground in disappointment. This wasn't going the way he'd imagined it – and oh, he'd imagined Jimmy's reaction and what his lovely face would look like a billion times – childish excitement, his dazzling smile full of true happiness and blue eyes sparkling at him … 'Oh Thomas, thank you, I love it!'…  
_It was a mistake. Never go past the point where the clock is comfortable. I should have known he'd be getting the wrong idea about it. We're_ just _friends though …_

"We _are_ friends, Thomas, but that doesn't mean we have to buy each other presents, does it?" Jimmy snapped, quickly turning his gaze away and Barrow felt a stab in his chest.  
"No, of course not," he answered silently, expression caught between confused and hurt. Suddenly, his throat felt far too tight and dry.  
"I didn't mean to upset you Jimmy, I-" _What am I supposed to say? That I'm sorry for thinking of you? Sorry that I wanted to see you happy? Sorry for loving you …_  
"I just wanted to be _kind_ , Jimmy. I wasn't expecting anything in return. That's the spirit of Christmas, you know? The joy of giving…" Thomas snorted. He'd never gotten much back in return in his life anyway.  
_Me. Always the calculating one,_ Thomas pondered. _But not with you, Jimmy – never with you._

"The truth is, I don't have _anything_ for you, Thomas," Jimmy uttered feebly and Barrow saw his lower lip tremble.  
"It's fine Jimmy, I don't mind, really, it's not like I'm used to getting Christmas presents anyway." _Or any presents at all._ "Don't feel bad just because you forgot to…"  
"Forgot?!" Jimmy's eyes widened at Thomas's words – he threw his head back and laughed bitterly. "You really think that I _forgot_ to get you something? How could I ever forget about- " he abruptly bit his lip and paused for a second before he continued, slowly, as if Barrow was simple-minded. "No Thomas, I didn't _for-get_."

With a loud groan Jimmy slumped down into the armchair, one hand rubbing against his forehead – a failed gesture to comfort himself.  
"I actually found something really nice for you." Jimmy's lips curved up into a weak smile. "But then I saw something I liked better. Something let's say 'more interesting and modern'. It was perfect! Perfect, Thomas!" Jimmy raised his head to look up at Barrow's face, his eyes seeming to beg for sympathy and Thomas creased his brow.  
"So what happened?"  
Jimmy sighed heavily, eyes downcast in shame. "I-, I couldn't afford it. It was far too expensive, so I tried to make money. You know I can always make money - well, usually… " Inhaling a deep breath, Jimmy's eyes flew shut, a long moment of silence followed.

"I gambled all my money away, Thomas!" Jimmy suddenly blurted out and at that, Thomas's jaw dropped in consternation.  
"You did … _what_?"  
"Literally. I lost everything. So in the end, I couldn't even buy the cheaper one." Jimmy sadly shook his head, lips nothing but a thin line. Thomas saw him blink rapidly, as if to ward away tears, and his stomach clenched at the sight.

 _Because of me. You lost your money because of me. Oh my silly, silly boy. How I love you, Jimmy,_ Thomas thought and it was true - it's always been that way, but this time of the year his deep affection for Jimmy and the permanent gnawing feeling of what was missing in his life – not only to love but _to be loved_ – were becoming almost unbearable…

Barrow's caring gaze rested upon Jimmy, his face warm and gentle now. "Jesus Jimmy, when you said you might do something stupid, I wasn't thinking of something like that," he murmured, more to himself. Oh how he wished Jimmy would finally do something stupid, something really, _really_ stupid. He'd fantasized about it at night, how Jimmy would sneak into his room, pressing his lips to Thomas's in unspoken desire, his eyes begging him to discover the most secret parts of his body no one had ever touched before…

Jimmy sniffed, then cleared his throat. "Now you see how ridiculous I am." Thomas simply watched him, in silence, and waves of pure tenderness surged through his chest - he wanted to hold Jimmy in his arms, stroke his hair and tell him how sweet he was and that it didn't matter, that nothing mattered as long as they'd spend Christmas together.  
"You're not ridiculous, Jimmy." _Not more than usual, that is,_  Thomas added mentally, cracking a little smirk. "It was just bad luck, but you know what they say: Unlucky at cards, lucky in love," he replied, thoughtlessly. Their eyes met right away and Thomas felt his face growing hot. He could have kicked himself, but just coughed instead.  
"I'm actually flattered that _I'm_ the reason you're penniless," Thomas said, making an effort to sound as casual as possible. "But don't worry about the present, it's the thought that counts," Barrow tried to soothe him.  
With a quick move, Jimmy jumped out of his seat. "Nonsense!" he huffed, obviously annoyed, and silenced Thomas with a swift, almost angry movement of his hand as he got back on his feet.  
"I'm a fool, Thomas. I'm making a fool of myself all the time. And you're .." he looked Thomas up and down, his fingers fumbling with his sleeves as he struggled for words. "… the _hero_."  
Thomas gave bitter a laugh. "Now you really are being absurd." _I've been the fool, it has always been me. What an utterly fatuous idea, kissing you in your sleep with the pathetic hope of making you love me… I've always been a fool for you, Jimmy. I still am…_  
"No!" Jimmy said firmly, brushing Thomas's words off with a strong shake of his head. "I'm really serious. When you took the beating for me and I just ran away like the drunk coward I was…"  
"Jimmy!"  
"No, Thomas. You were my-..." Jimmy's eyes shot up and he froze for a moment at his own words, mouth agape, before he continued in a low tone. "You were a bloody hero." He slowly nodded to himself, realization dawning on his face.  
"And do you remember that one time when I smashed that stupid jam jar and strained my damn wrist so you had to serve dinner for me…" Jimmy lifted his left hand and stared at his wrist with furrowed brow, the embarrassing memory apparently offending his pride.  
Thomas barely managed to suppress a grin. _Don't laugh! Jimmy hates being laughed at more than anything, he'll become furious, that little jam juggler._  
Jimmy suddenly dropped his hand and looked up at Thomas for a long moment before he deliberately took a step closer. Thomas stared back at him, his eyes searching Jimmy's – what for exactly, he didn't know. Jimmy tilted his head, attempting a nonchalant tone as he began to speak:  
"You never _touch_ me, Thomas." With his left forefinger, he started poking Barrow in the chest, a little forced smile on his face. "Why don't you ever touch me?"  
" _Touch_ you?" Thomas frowned, watching Jimmy's face with suspicion. "Jimmy, have you been at the eggnog?" Instinctively leaning forward to sniff him, Thomas realized his mistake far too late. The blond's unique tantalizing smell made his cheeks bloom with colour in no time and he had to will away the compelling urge to caress Jimmy's face and rake his fingers through the footman's neatly combed bronzed hair. _Keep your distance._ Thomas reminded himself, very well aware of the torturous effect Jimmy had on him whenever they were too close.  
"Eggnog? No," Jimmy muttered, slightly irritated, and gave a brief lick to his lower lip. "Not yet, why? Have you got any?" Thomas stayed silent, stared at his beautiful mouth instead, spellbound, as if it held some hidden secret.  
"You never touch me because you don't trust me, Thomas. Is that it?" Jimmy asked, pulling a face, and Thomas swallowed hard at the feeling of Jimmy's fingertips pressing through the fabric of his shirt. _Oh how incredibly good Jimmy's fingers would feel on his bare skin…_  
"No, that's not true. I do trust you!" _It's myself I don't trust. I could never resist you, never stop myself …_  
Jimmy's gaze lingered on him and for a second, Thomas was horrified by the idea of his own face _betraying_ him, giving away his perpetual fear of driving Jimmy away with his love, the only person that truly mattered in his life.  
Jimmy raised his head and looked Thomas straight in the eye. "I think…maybe that's what I want for Christmas. Your trust, Thomas." The low intimate tone of Jimmy's voice made Thomas's pulse race and when the blond finally moved even closer to him, a familiar heat settled in his stomach. Thomas moistened his dry lips.  
"I told you I do trust you Jimmy and I…," was all he managed to murmur, noticeably shaking, before Jimmy tentatively settled his left hand on Thomas's side.  
"Do you?" he asked huskily. "Well, you won't mind _this_ then, right?" In a beat, Jimmy pulled Thomas into an awkward embrace, his arms clumsily wrapped around Thomas's middle. "See? Just like that…," he went on, his voice now turning into a sweet hushed whisper. "Nothing wrong with that. This is what friends do."  
"Yes…al- alright," Thomas breathed, dazed from their sudden proximity and indulging in Jimmy's warmth that was radiating so delicately through his livery. Eventually, Thomas's arms found their way around Jimmy's shoulders and, in spite of himself, he inhaled deeply, the overly tempting scent of Jimmy's skin intoxicating his senses. A smell that awakened dark memories of that ill-fated night when he'd leant over the sleeping footman, so full of love and desire, revelling in their closeness for a few precious moments before his whole world had crushed into pieces…  
"I'm so sorry, Thomas, I wish I had something for you!" With a little sigh, Jimmy's head dropped onto Barrow's shoulder. "I'm such a bad friend!" he muttered unhappily, hugging Thomas a little tighter now and Thomas had to close his eyes; Jimmy felt so good in his arms.  
"Oh shhh, you're not. It's alright Jimmy, your friendship is the best present I could have asked for." Barrow mumbled, allowing himself to gently rub soothing circles up and down the blond's back.  
_Christmas does strange things to people._ Thomas wondered as he looked down at Jimmy in his arms. _They're getting all soppy and maudlin._ He sighed. _Dear god, this is the best Christmas ever._  
"But it's just not enough!" Jimmy paused a moment before he went on in a low, meaningful tone. "It's _never_ enough, Thomas, is it?! You deserve so much more."  
Sparks were running through Thomas's body when Jimmy's palms flattened against the small of his back. "Ah do- don't worry," he stammered shakily, his right hand still tenderly stroking Jimmy. "It's fine. It's really fine, my _darling_ , I-"  
_Damn!_ Thomas winced and immediately bit his lip. _Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?!_ He clenched his teeth as he felt Jimmy slightly stiffen in his arms, afraid of having ruined everything – as usual. The tension between them was lingering in the air like a smothering veil.  
Barrow continued rubbing Jimmy's back, silently hoping that his faux pas had somehow gone unnoticed as Jimmy slowly shifted his head and, taking a noisy breath, buried his face into Thomas's neck. Thomas shivered for a moment, his whole body aching with longing at the unexpected intimacy between them. But then he cursed his mind for playing tricks on him, since there was no way Jimmy would _purr_ in his arms, was there?! …  
However, when Thomas felt the feather-light brush of Jimmy's mouth against the skin of his neck, warm and soft, he held his breath. _Hold still and don't say a word,_  he warned himself. _Don't break the spell before he realises what he's doing. He'll come to his senses soon enough._  
A moment later, Jimmy pulled back a little so he could look upon Thomas's face, the telltale evidence of his acute excitement only too visible - his cheeks and ears were flushed a deep red. "Maybe … I do have a present for you," he murmured, a little coy smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he carefully lifted his left hand to touch Barrow's cheek.  
" _Thomas_." His name dripped from Jimmy's lips like liquid velvet and Thomas shook a bit, inwardly praying for the strength to keep his tensed body under control.  
"It's almost midnight. Make a wish!" Jimmy said lowly, raising himself on tiptoes and gently grabbing the back of Thomas's neck. Without meaning to, Barrow's eyes fell shut - a silent 'Happy Christmas…' the last thing he heard before the sensation of Jimmy's smooth mouth on his knocked the breath out of him. It was a light, chaste kiss, just a whisper of soft lips and the barest touch of tongue, yet it couldn't have been more intense. Thomas felt his knees going weak at the incredible heat that was coursing through him, his skin tingling as if on fire. The edges of Thomas's body seemed to be melting into Jimmy.  
_I love you, Jimmy Kent._ The words kept rushing through his head as he kissed Jimmy back, ever so tenderly and shyly.  
His right hand now tangling in Jimmy's hair, the delightful feeling of golden silk between his fingers, it was the only thought he was capable of.  
When Jimmy finally broke the kiss, Thomas felt caught in a haze of amazement, in a dream - stunning and surreal. Blood rushed through his ears maddeningly but he could have sworn it was the ringing of Christmas bells. He heard Jimmy chuckle nervously.  
"Ah, Christmas. Yes, I think I can feel it, Thomas - the joy of _giving_ …" Jimmy's bashful blue eyes gazed up at Barrow through half-closed lids.  
"…of _giving you what you want,_ " Jimmy added and Thomas realised, he'd never, _never_ loved Jimmy more than in this very moment.


End file.
